God is Everything or He is nothing
I have found that when the big I AM comes back, I can no longer carry the message effectively or practice these principles in all my affairs. My selfish-self-centeredness comes back, and I try to protect myself by becoming dishonest and not accepting the truth of what is going on in a situation. If I do that long enough and don’t share with my sponsors and other alcoholics in the program, I begin to not know the “truth from the false” again.
While carrying the message is most satisfying and joyful if people “get it”, it is the most heart-breaking when someone you care about can’t stay sober. In my case, the person I cared about deeply picked up again and died. I once believed that if “they want it, nothing will stop them and if they don’t want it, nothing will help them.” I have seen the suffering of those who loved Alcoholics Anonymous but, for whatever reason, have not be able to stay sober and have paid the ultimate price.
This is where I have to ask myself what does it really mean to have a spiritual awakening and lead a sober and principles life? Page 77 of the Big Book tells me “our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.” In order to be of maximum service, I always have to make my God bigger, and myself smaller. “We had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn’t. What was our choice to be?” The Twelfth Step gives me the choice to answer that question with, “He is.”